Why is it that we give certain emotions a label of “good” and certain emotions a label of “bad”?
We try to avoid feelings of fear, anxiety, sadness or loneliness while trying to bring more joy, happiness and excitement into our lives.
I mean, I get it. The “good” emotions feel…well, they feel good. But what if when we felt fear or sadness, instead of trying to push it down to the depths of our mind we actually paid attention to the fear or gave ourselves a minute to feel the sadness? How do you think that might change our relationship with those emotions?
Maybe it would help if we personified our fear. Think of your fear as a young child that lives with you everyday of your life. How do you think that young child would feel if you were constantly telling him how much you hated them and wished they were gone? What if you kept that child locked in the basement all the time, never giving her any attention? How might that child feel? Do you think that child might start to act out and do things you don’t like?
It’s the same thing with our fear, except when we push our fear down to the deepest basement of our minds it acts out in the form of panic attacks and anxiety attacks.
You see, our fear isn’t going anywhere. It’s always going to be there for the rest of our lives and it will always win. Eventually, it’s going to come out whether we want it to or not, it might just come out in the form of a panic attack while you’re getting groceries or crying for seemingly no reason. The more we push it down and try to avoid our fear, it gets stronger and stronger inside of us until we can’t hold it anymore.
I’ve done this for years. I got very good at pushing things to deep parts of my mind and trying to avoid them. I’ve also suffered from major panic attacks throughout my life. Coincidence? Probably not.
We all feel fear in one way or another, so maybe instead of trying to avoid it we should embrace it. Let our “fear child” out of the basement and show him so love. Give her a little attention when she pops up.
Do you ever notice how fear and excitement feel pretty much the same, the only difference is the event causing the feeling. How would it change your perception if the next time you felt those feelings of anxiety creep up into your stomach, you sat with them for a second, noticed them and instead of labeling them as anxiety and trying to push them away, you labeled them as excitement and embraced them?
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My guess is that we would all have a much more positive outlook on life and maybe even do things we’ve been too afraid to do before. We’d join that gym, start that weight loss plan, take up a new hobby, ask that girl or guy out for coffee, go after that promotion at work, or start that new company we’ve been thinking about.
Bill Gates has often mentioned how he was (and probably still is at some level) afraid of failure and how that fear of failure kept him pushing forward all those years to eventually become the man he is today.
On the flip side, there are millions of people with that same feeling of fear of failure that use it as an excuse for not doing the things they dream of doing. Same fear of failure, but a much different relationship with it.
We all feel fear, but the difference is some of us use that feeling to propel us forward while others use that same feeling to hold us back. It’s not the fear holding us back, it’s our relationship with that emotion and the good news is that everyday is a new opportunity to change that relationship.
Let your fear child out of the basement for a bit. Show her some love. Give her some attention. Start to change your relationship with your fear and you’ll no doubt start to see a lot of positive changes in your life.